Hilarius Waxing Story...

I was sent this hilarius story on my myspace page and wanted to share it will all women...really it is so funny read it and tell me what you think!! (its kinda long but SO WORTH IT)

My night began as any other normal weeknight, come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had th thought that ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'maybe i should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. 'so i headed to the site of demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits, no melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them aprt and press them to you leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No mess, or fuss. How hard can it be? i mean, i'm not a genius, but i am mechanically inclined enough to figure this our. (YA THINK!?!)
So i pull one of the thin strips out. its two stips facing eachother stuck together. instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so i get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('cold wax, ya right) i lay the trip across my thigh. hold the sin around it tight an pull. IT WORKS! ok, so it wasnt the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.

i can do this! hair removal no longer eludes me! iam she-rah, fighter of the wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

with my next was stip i move north. after chicking on the kids, i sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. i drop my panties and place on foot on the toilet. using the same procedure, i apply the strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching sown the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) i inhale deeply and brace myself......RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!

I'm blind!!!! Blinded from the pain!!!!!.....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, i notice that i've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I amay pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do i hear crashing drums???? Breathe, breathe...ok, back to normal. I want to see my trophy-a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. i want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. i hold up the strip. there's no hair on it. where is the hair???? WHERE IS THE WAX???? Slyly i ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. i see the hair. the hair that should be on the strip....it's not!! I touch. Iam touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then i make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? i know i need to do something. so i put my foot down. SEALED SHUT! my butt is sealed shut.... Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom and think to myself "please dont let me get the urge to poop. my head my pop off! what can i do to melt the wax? Hot water!! hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water i can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wip it off, right????? *WRONG!!!!

i get in the tub-the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- i sit.
now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water. which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

so, now i'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though i had cemented myself to the procelain!!!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!! i call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. it's very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub! there is a slight pause. she doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. she wanted to know exactly where the wax is located, 'are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?' she's laughing out loud by now...i can hear her. i give her the rundown and she suggests i call the number on the box. YEAH!!!!RIGHT!!! I shold be the joke of someone else's night.

while we go through the various solutions, i resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. nothing feels better than having your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!!

by now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and i'm pretty sure i'm going to need post-traumatic stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when i finally see my saving grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. what do i really have to lose at this point? i rub some on and OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!! the scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. its soooo painful, but i really dont care. ' IT WORKS!!! it works!!!!!

i get a hearty congratulaions from my friend and she hangs up. i sucessfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.....................THE HAIR IS STILL THERE............ALL OF IT!

So i recklessly shave it off. heck, i'm numb by now. nothing hurts. i could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm ging to try hair color!