A time of Reflection, Thoughts, and Change....

I just had some thoughts i wanted to share and maybe some of you out there a little further in this area could give me your thoughts on how you felt at those last few months before everything changed....

It is coming down to the wire with only a few more months left before our 2nd little one pops out and i wanted to kind of document some of the feeling i have been having. I have had a hard time bonding with this little guy, it hasn't come as easy as is was with kaylin. The moment i found out i was pregnant with kaylin i was soooo in love and it was instant and never went away, but with this one i have yet to "really" bond with him or feel that pure love for him, don't get me wrong i do feel a love for him but its just not the same. I have so much love for kaylin that i just cant imagine that i could love another the way i love him. Does that come after they are born? Does it take time? I feel horrible for not having those feeling right now and feel like im not giving him my all. Maybe its because I'm more aware that something could go wrong still or because we had a miscarriage already that i haven't let myself just open up yet.

I worry that kaylin will always be at the top of my list, per say, or that i will always feel like i love him more because he is my first and my whole heart is his. Did you feel this way?
It's different to go have an ultrasound done and i see pictures of this little guy, i don't know what it is but its just not the same and i feel so bad that I'm having these feeling, I AM SO EXCITED to have two little boys, its always what i have wanted to have two little boys right next to each other to be best buddies, so why is it such a different feeling when its what i want?

I am getting nervous on the change that's going to happen soon and don't know if I'm ready for it, yet im so excited for it, i mean we have wanted this for 3 years now but it scars me to think im going to have TWO kids. Having kaylin everything came SO natural to me, i never was scared or nervous to hold him, change him, bathe him, etc. I never needed any help with him, i was perfectly fine with him all on my own from the moment he was born and I didn't really want any help from anyone. So with this one what if its totally different and i cant handle a toddler and a newborn? I know kaylin will be a big help cause he really is soo excited about his brother and i really have no fear about the jealous issues that i hear about where the first doesn't want the second and acts out, i really don't think kaylin will be like that cause he loves when babies come over and i hold them he has never cared he always just wants to hold them too and play and talk to them so at least that's one less thing im worried about.
How did you deal with your second one? Was it more difficult then you thought or easier?

I think im so happy with kaylin and how much love i have for him that its just hard right now for me to think i could love another little one as much as i love him (although i know i will).
Tell your thoughts,addvice, insights, etc...ALL ARE WELCOME!